Here we are once again. Still no football in Illinois and still lots of football just about everywhere else. This week in the Road Trip we will visit the great(??) state of Ohio. While I don't know much about Ohio football I can say they do have some top notch nicknames and really what more can you ask for! Let's get to the matchups!
Normandy Invaders vs Parma Redmen
One thing I dislike is schools who screw up their nickname. Parma Redmen is awful. The Parma Chickens or Chicken Parma I can get behind because who does not love a little chicken parm! But in this matchup it truly does not matter who is playing Normandy. This school is fantastic and combines both the Norman Invasion of England in 1066 and the Allied Powers invasion of Europe on D-Day. And how do we know that this is true? Well it's because their mascot is an 11th century Knight riding atop a World War II Tank. I'm sorry but I do not think a mascot can get any more badass than that!
Invaders by 200
Mount Healthy Owls vs Ross Rams
Not only do they have great mascots look at that school, Mount Healthy! The Ross Rams get points for the alliteration but it's kind of boring. The Mount Healthy Owls now they raise questions. What do they serve in the cafeteria? Do they have one of those weird vending machines that took away all the good stuff and you can only get 6 kinds of water and celery sticks? Do they have any players who can basically turn their head completely around like an Owl? While most would lean towards the Ram over the Owl, give me the ability of flight and talons combined with our ability to strike at night!
Owls by 14
Vermilion Sailors vs Willard Crimson Flashes
Can't say I'm a big guy by if you're going to go Crimson something I feel like Crimson Tide would be better than old Willie and the Crimson Flashes. Then we have the Vermilion Sailors. If you're going to go Sailors think you should go The Vermilion Popeyes! I bet Popeye could play some football. Personally though when I hear Sailor I think of a run-in I had with Sailor Jerry when I was about 19, it was a long night and didn't go great for me and I don't see this one going great for Willie!
Sailors by 92 proof...I mean points
University School Preppers vs Gilmour Academy Lancers
I mean...I just can't...I know we have some preppy schools in Illinois that can play. And I'm sure Gilmour Academy is pretty preppy too but I mean CMON MAN! Lancers have swords, preppies have what? A double popper collar? Hated that look in high school, hate that look now!
Fenger Fingers by 5
Mansfield Senior Tygers vs Mt Vernon Yellowjackets
The Tygers definitely belong in the CPL! In Ohio you see you're playing the Tygers and you probably think someone made a Tyger. In the CPL you see you're playing the Tygers and you don't even have a second thought! So as I do on occasion I took a look at the Tygers. There seems to be two stories about how they became the Tygers. One has to do with a poem by William Blake from the 1700's that starts Tyger Tyger, burning bright. The story that seems more likely to me is they played another school that was also nicknamed the Tigers and the two schools played a game for the right to the "I" so when Mansfield lost they changed to the Tygers since they couldn't use the I anymore. Whether it was due to a poem or because they lost a football game I don't think I can pick them.
YellowJackets by 12
Shenandoah Zeps vs Northridge Vikings
While it would have been cooler if Shenandoah had been named after Led Zeppelin but that is not the case. But Zeppelin's are still pretty cool and much more original than Vikings.
Zeps by 21
Norwalk Truckers vs Columbian Tornadoes
Not sure I have ever come across a school named the Truckers but that is pretty awesome. While the Columbian Tornadoes isn't bad I feel like you could have done more than Tornadoes, The Columbian Sharknados would be an improvement. Back to the Truckers I worry that a school named the truckers might just have a T on their helmets but that is not the case. Not they have an awesome logo but unfortunatley do not put that on the helmet. BUT they save it with a big truck on the front of the helmet. It's pretty awesome, Norwalk keep on Truckin!
Truckers win by 30
Ross Little Giants vs St Frances de Sale Knights
Knights are cool but Knights on World War II tanks are cooler. St Frances has no Tanks. Little Giants don't have tanks either but do you know what they have? They got an IceBox, they have the annexation of Puerto Rico, they have PBJ's in their helmets, they have intimidation, they got a QB who can throw toilet paper rolls and they know that football is 80% mental and 40% physical. What more do they need!
Little Giants by 17
John Glenn Little Muskies vs Tri Valley Scotties
John Glenn is a great man. Served in the marines and was an astronaut. The fact that they aren't the John Glenn Astronauts seems like a total miss on their part. And while Little Giants may work throwing little in front of muskies does nothing for these guys. Now I know a college team nicknamed the Scotties. They have coaches who wear kilts. Tri Valley's coaches don't wear kilts. Huge miss on their part. This game is hard to pick with all these misses.
You know who never misses? The Senn DAWGZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO GIVE ME THE DAWGZ BY 20
Centerville Elk vs Miamisburg Vikings
Elks are kind of cool. Vikings we went over aren't super original. Miamisburg is also a name that I feel has potential. So much cool with Miami and the U that you should have tried to play off of. The coolest part about the Centerville Elks though? One of their alumni is AJ Hawk. Now I didn't love AJ Hawk when he was in the NFL because cmon the guy was on the Packers. But you know what I do love about AJ Hawk now? Guy is on with Pat McAfee and Pat McAfee is the man! Showed up with Pat McAfee when McAfee wrestled!
For the Brand! Elks by 3
Crooksville Ceramics vs Morgan Raiders
The fact that we don't have a Crooksville High School in Chicago seems like a miss. I for sure could get down with a Thursday 3:15 at Rockne with Crooksville playing CICS Longwood, seems like a matchup the fans would love! But back to Ohio unfortunately. I'm a little worried about how the Ceramics are gonna matchup on the line in this one.
The Autumn Wind is a raider,
Pillaging just for fun.
He'll knock you 'round and upside down,
And laugh when he's conquered and won.
Raiders by 50
Barberton Magics vs Highland Hornets
Growing up I was a big Hornets fan. They were great in NBA JAM with Alonzo and Larry Johnson. Muggsy Bogues was awesome. And how could you not love Larry Johnson's grandmama character. So for me the Hornets are tough to beat. But here you have Shaq and Penny. With the Orlando Magic you have one of the few sports teams that don't end with a S, but Barberton switched it up and threw a S in there to be unique. They also have a sweet mascot. Their magic man has a top hat and a monocle and a cape. Originally I really wanted Barberton to change to the Barbers or the Scissors or the Hairs or something but I got to tell you they do the Magics right!
Magics by 47
Normandy Invaders vs Parma Redmen
One thing I dislike is schools who screw up their nickname. Parma Redmen is awful. The Parma Chickens or Chicken Parma I can get behind because who does not love a little chicken parm! But in this matchup it truly does not matter who is playing Normandy. This school is fantastic and combines both the Norman Invasion of England in 1066 and the Allied Powers invasion of Europe on D-Day. And how do we know that this is true? Well it's because their mascot is an 11th century Knight riding atop a World War II Tank. I'm sorry but I do not think a mascot can get any more badass than that!
Invaders by 200
Mount Healthy Owls vs Ross Rams
Not only do they have great mascots look at that school, Mount Healthy! The Ross Rams get points for the alliteration but it's kind of boring. The Mount Healthy Owls now they raise questions. What do they serve in the cafeteria? Do they have one of those weird vending machines that took away all the good stuff and you can only get 6 kinds of water and celery sticks? Do they have any players who can basically turn their head completely around like an Owl? While most would lean towards the Ram over the Owl, give me the ability of flight and talons combined with our ability to strike at night!
Owls by 14
Vermilion Sailors vs Willard Crimson Flashes
Can't say I'm a big guy by if you're going to go Crimson something I feel like Crimson Tide would be better than old Willie and the Crimson Flashes. Then we have the Vermilion Sailors. If you're going to go Sailors think you should go The Vermilion Popeyes! I bet Popeye could play some football. Personally though when I hear Sailor I think of a run-in I had with Sailor Jerry when I was about 19, it was a long night and didn't go great for me and I don't see this one going great for Willie!
Sailors by 92 proof...I mean points
University School Preppers vs Gilmour Academy Lancers
I mean...I just can't...I know we have some preppy schools in Illinois that can play. And I'm sure Gilmour Academy is pretty preppy too but I mean CMON MAN! Lancers have swords, preppies have what? A double popper collar? Hated that look in high school, hate that look now!
Fenger Fingers by 5
Mansfield Senior Tygers vs Mt Vernon Yellowjackets
The Tygers definitely belong in the CPL! In Ohio you see you're playing the Tygers and you probably think someone made a Tyger. In the CPL you see you're playing the Tygers and you don't even have a second thought! So as I do on occasion I took a look at the Tygers. There seems to be two stories about how they became the Tygers. One has to do with a poem by William Blake from the 1700's that starts Tyger Tyger, burning bright. The story that seems more likely to me is they played another school that was also nicknamed the Tigers and the two schools played a game for the right to the "I" so when Mansfield lost they changed to the Tygers since they couldn't use the I anymore. Whether it was due to a poem or because they lost a football game I don't think I can pick them.
YellowJackets by 12
Shenandoah Zeps vs Northridge Vikings
While it would have been cooler if Shenandoah had been named after Led Zeppelin but that is not the case. But Zeppelin's are still pretty cool and much more original than Vikings.
Zeps by 21
Norwalk Truckers vs Columbian Tornadoes
Not sure I have ever come across a school named the Truckers but that is pretty awesome. While the Columbian Tornadoes isn't bad I feel like you could have done more than Tornadoes, The Columbian Sharknados would be an improvement. Back to the Truckers I worry that a school named the truckers might just have a T on their helmets but that is not the case. Not they have an awesome logo but unfortunatley do not put that on the helmet. BUT they save it with a big truck on the front of the helmet. It's pretty awesome, Norwalk keep on Truckin!
Truckers win by 30
Ross Little Giants vs St Frances de Sale Knights
Knights are cool but Knights on World War II tanks are cooler. St Frances has no Tanks. Little Giants don't have tanks either but do you know what they have? They got an IceBox, they have the annexation of Puerto Rico, they have PBJ's in their helmets, they have intimidation, they got a QB who can throw toilet paper rolls and they know that football is 80% mental and 40% physical. What more do they need!
Little Giants by 17
John Glenn Little Muskies vs Tri Valley Scotties
John Glenn is a great man. Served in the marines and was an astronaut. The fact that they aren't the John Glenn Astronauts seems like a total miss on their part. And while Little Giants may work throwing little in front of muskies does nothing for these guys. Now I know a college team nicknamed the Scotties. They have coaches who wear kilts. Tri Valley's coaches don't wear kilts. Huge miss on their part. This game is hard to pick with all these misses.
You know who never misses? The Senn DAWGZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO GIVE ME THE DAWGZ BY 20
Centerville Elk vs Miamisburg Vikings
Elks are kind of cool. Vikings we went over aren't super original. Miamisburg is also a name that I feel has potential. So much cool with Miami and the U that you should have tried to play off of. The coolest part about the Centerville Elks though? One of their alumni is AJ Hawk. Now I didn't love AJ Hawk when he was in the NFL because cmon the guy was on the Packers. But you know what I do love about AJ Hawk now? Guy is on with Pat McAfee and Pat McAfee is the man! Showed up with Pat McAfee when McAfee wrestled!
For the Brand! Elks by 3
Crooksville Ceramics vs Morgan Raiders
The fact that we don't have a Crooksville High School in Chicago seems like a miss. I for sure could get down with a Thursday 3:15 at Rockne with Crooksville playing CICS Longwood, seems like a matchup the fans would love! But back to Ohio unfortunately. I'm a little worried about how the Ceramics are gonna matchup on the line in this one.
The Autumn Wind is a raider,
Pillaging just for fun.
He'll knock you 'round and upside down,
And laugh when he's conquered and won.
Raiders by 50
Barberton Magics vs Highland Hornets
Growing up I was a big Hornets fan. They were great in NBA JAM with Alonzo and Larry Johnson. Muggsy Bogues was awesome. And how could you not love Larry Johnson's grandmama character. So for me the Hornets are tough to beat. But here you have Shaq and Penny. With the Orlando Magic you have one of the few sports teams that don't end with a S, but Barberton switched it up and threw a S in there to be unique. They also have a sweet mascot. Their magic man has a top hat and a monocle and a cape. Originally I really wanted Barberton to change to the Barbers or the Scissors or the Hairs or something but I got to tell you they do the Magics right!
Magics by 47
